On the Way to a Smile
by AFreezingFlame
Summary: Madeline, clinically depressed, is on her way to coping with her mental disorder with many other people with bad pasts. T for various mental disorders, attempted suicide, past child abuse, and  bullying. Full summary/warnings inside. Insanity is Relative
1. Chapter 1

On the Way to a Smile

A/N: Previously titled Insanity is Relative. Warnings at the bottom, because nothing really happens in this chapter.

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"W-What do you mean t-that you and h-her are leaving….. T-together…?" Madeline Williams cried at her father in a broken stutter. He was perhaps the only person who really cared about her and knew her. "I-I thought t-that we were a-a team…. Just the-the t-two of us…. I-I'd lo-love to see Egypt…."

"I'm sorry, Maddie…." Her father looked regretful. "But your mother-"

"S-she's no-not my mother," Madeline said softly, but firmly.

"But she and I agreed that you needed to stay here for school." Father and Daughter had fought about this enough that the father knew better than correct his little girl. "You can stay with your brothers, or with your aunt, but you _are_ staying here."

"T-they aren't my brothers." She mumbled softly. "Feliciano, Benvolio and Lovino aren't really my family."

"Maddie, I married their mother. They are now." He ruffled his little girl's hair, and kissed her forehead. "Now, I have to finish packing."

Madeline watched as he walked back into his bedroom with mixed feelings, but reigning over all the others was abandonment.

That was three weeks ago.

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_Dear Diary,_

_My name is Madeline Williams. I am a sophomore currently in the IB program at the local high school. I just turned fifteen. _

_My father and I traveled the world, until recently when he settled down in America. I was born here, but I haven't lived here since I was four, and my mother died. _

_Now, Dad has remarried, and we've settled down again. My Step-mother is nice, I guess, but she never gets my name right. _

_My step-brothers are also nice, but they tend to forget about me. _

_My aunt once said that I was a wallflower. I want to be like her one day- she was a wallflower as well, but now she is a CIA agent. _

_I am currently living with one of my other aunt's, on my mother's side, because my father and step-mother ran off to Egypt. The funny thing is I haven't seen my cousin though I have been here for almost three weeks. Aunt Jones says we look shockingly similar. Like my mother and grandmother. _

_Anyways, I suppose I will write in this from now, in case I actually do decide to 'kick the bucket'. _

_It's rather late, and I have school tomorrow. _

_Madeline Williams. _

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Based off real life, my life up until this point in time.

This fic is composed of one half story in third person, and the other half will be diary entries.

Canada= Madeline.

There will be many other nations who suffer from various mental disorders, talk of suicide, attempted suicide, talk of bullying- and not the whole, _'you're not invited to my party' _kind_. _The kind where the kids physically harm the victim and leave permanent damage- in this case, a scar that spans the victim's face. Talk of child abuse, underage drinking, drug use and addiction, injuries and blood, kidnapping, murder, death.

If you are still interested, feel free to keep reading, I have been told it's pretty good despite the darker subjects, since it is mainly centered around **_recovering_ **from these things. Please bear that in mind as you read this.

Drop a review?


	2. Chapter 2

On the Way to a Smile

A/N: Thanks for the attention! Reviews make my day!

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It was second block- Spanish IV with Mrs. Hartman. Madeline supposed that she didn't _really_ have to take the class, but she did need the credits before she could take the IB exam- and her Spanish accent could always use work.

But today, they were just working on writing past tense- something she had mastered a long while ago. It was practically useless for her. They had an exercise to do in partners, and while she waited for Mrs. Hartman to call her name, Madeline doodled in her sketch book.

"Antonio," The teacher called, and Madeline acknowledged it in the back of her mind. The Spanish exchange student sat immediately behind her, and often spoke to one of her three stepbrothers, Lovino, who sat a ways across from her.

The Spanish boy sat up straighter, waiting to hear the name of his partner.

"Madeline," At the sound of her name, the girl closed her sketchbook, and grabbed her textbook, to at least feign they were working on something together.

But instead of starting up a friendly chat with the cute Exchange student, Madeline heard something that broke her heart.

"Who?"

She dropped her things abruptly, freezing on the spot as the people in her class fell silent. Antonio repeated his question, and when Madeline looked to Mrs. Hartman, the teacher didn't seem to know quite what she should say. Madeline readjusted her glasses as she fidgeted, before turning around to face the Spanish student.

"Ummmm….. Hi….." She mumbled softly, blue eyes refusing to meet green.

Antonio betrayed his usual laid-back appearance as he looked flustered, surprised, and embarrassed. He made to apologize to the girl with the soft, short blonde hair, but she held a hand up to stop him cold.

"I-its o-okay…." Madeline stood up shakily, and walked out of her Spanish class, no one able to move fast enough to stop her.

She managed to keep her calm façade as long as the bathroom, and fat tears started rolling down her cheeks as she wrote in fat sharpie, "OUT OF ORDER", and taped it onto the smallest stall.

She entered the stall, and locked the door behind her. She sat on the toilet, her arms around her knees as the girl started to sob quietly.

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Back in the classroom, Lovino hopped up out of his seat, and punched the Spaniard in the face. _"You Bastard!" _He cursed in Italian.

The teacher jumped as her student turned violent. "Mr. Vargas!" She cried.

"Madeline is my _stepsister_! She's not invisible!" He yelled again Antonio tried to fight the enraged teen off.

In the end, Chun-Yan Wang- or Nene- had to hold Lovino back while Antonio was sent to the Nurse's office. Lovino was sent to the Principal's office.

Mrs. Hartman, unfortunately, completely forgot about little Madeline.

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Nene, the big softie she was on the inside, couldn't help but go look for the hurt girl.

The Chinese exchange student ended up finding the younger student in the girl's bathroom, having cried herself to exhaustion almost an hour after she had run off.

Madeline didn't complain when the elder student grabbed her and carried her off to the nurse's office.

"You should speak with him about the problem, it was…" She paused, trying to find the right words, "Not nice…of him, aru."

Madeline sniffled, and said, "I think that you mean that he was mean."

Nene smiled a little, still not quite comfortable with the English language.

"Alright, then Madeline….um….take…. care-aru?" She told Madeline in a way that made it almost seem like a question. Madeline nodded, and Nene gathered her things and left the office.

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_Dear Diary,_

_Today I realized that most people really can lose track of who I am. I realize that I am not the best with names, either, but I do make it a point to know who sits around me, at least. _

_Anyway, the cute Spanish exchange student actually didn't know who I was. A whole new meaning to the saying 'not knowing that someone was alive,' it would seem. _

_I really guess I am more invisible than I thought I was, eh?_

_According to the lovely Nene, not even our Spanish professor noticed my disappearance for the greater part of second period. I am not sure whether I should be happy, or depressed. _

_No one will tell me why Lovino was at the principal's office, or why Antonio had a black eye when I saw him again in history… Not even Lovino himself! I think that is the slightest bit outrageous. _

_Feliciano, 'the middle' step brother, asked me if I was okay before he and I headed off to our destinations I politely told him that I was fine, that everything was alright, even though everything was wrong. _

'_Feli', as Lovino and Benvolio call him, is a nice boy, and decided to listen to me. He went off to a study group with his friends, Ludwig and Sakura. _

_Now, of course, I kind of want him to talk to instead of this diary…. But I am afraid I would just be rejected. I can't ask him to leave his friends just to help_ me _out. _

_I have yet to see my cousin, Alfred. Nene told me that Antonio might just have mistaken me for him- they had taken Spanish three together. _

_That is rather inconsequential as of now. I have a Beowulf quiz to study for and a Chemistry lab to finish. _

_Madeline Williams. _

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A/N: If you are reading this, I suppose you have chosen to read this fic. Thanks for that!

In response to the anonymous review, OF COURSE PRUSSIA WILL BE IN HERE!

Forest= my personal Prussia. Damn you, Forest!

I swear I should get us all to cosplay one day. You'll see why I started writing this.

Nene is the name of Nyotalia!China, based off my good friend Linda in this case. Linda, you are a goddess. Linda moved from China to the US in my freshmen year, and she has been tutored by me almost since the beginning. Strangely enough, she is also in my Spanish class. She is good at the language, but even she will admit she has a really strong Chinese accent that often gets in the way of her oral exams.


	3. Chapter 3

On the Way to a Smile

A/N: Thanks for the attention!

(Even though I only got two reviews) D:

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It was about a week after the incident with Antonio that another example of Madeline's invisibility.

This time, however, it was in English class, a class where she was pretty comfortable in. Today, however, they were going to be in discussion groups over the content over the epic Beowulf.

According to her teacher, she was to be with Ludwig- a stoic blond teen a bit older than she was- and Sakura- a Japanese transfer student with a polite way about her- and her 'middle' stepbrother, Feliciano.

Madeline gathered her extensive notes on the British epic, and headed over to where the three friends were sitting.

Sakura noticed her approach first. "Ah, Alfred… I didn't know you had transferred over to this English class."

Ludwig looked up, and examined her closely, his blue eyes narrowing slightly, as if he noticed something was off with his assumption. "Yes, Alfred, I thought you had English in eighth block…"

Madeline had no idea how to answer that. She looked down. She wasn't her cousin, much less a _guy_….

"Ve~ what are you talking about, that's not Alfred." Her stepbrother, Feliciano, spoke up from the group.

Ludwig and Sakura looked back at her with shock, and then embarrassment.

Feliciano stood up, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "This is my _sorellastra_, Madeline."

Sakura and Ludwig looked like they were going to freak. So, they figured out she was a girl….

"I-I…" Sakura spoke up first. "_Watashi no baka_…." The short haired girl spoke in quiet Japanese. "I am truly sorry, Madeline…"

Ludwig couldn't even look at her. "_Es tut mir Leid…" _

"Well," Feliciano pulled her down into a chair, "Maddie is _really_ smart, she helped me take notes on this because I didn't get it at all! But then she explained it and all of a sudden it made sense!" Feliciano was really good at lightening the mood, even though he couldn't read it for the life of him.

Ludwig chuckled- or, at least Madeline thought he did… It sounded kinda scary, actually. "You? Getting something and not raising your white flag? Maybe at our next study session, you might actually _help us out_ then…."

"EEEPP!" Feliciano squeaked. "Ludwig, why are you being so _mean!_"

Madeline and Sakura both stared at the formers stepbrother as he begged in a frantic mix of Italian and English.

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After school, Madeline went home, did her annoying, but light, Pre-Cal homework, before examining her figure in the mirror. She had worn her large hockey-team jacket, as it was nearing winter and snow had been forecasted only the night before.

It wasn't even Halloween yet, giving Madeline another reason to hate this place. She wanted to be with her father, just the two of them, going all over the world for his business. She had received a call that he would be coming back to the states, but he would be working over in California.

That would mean another month she would spend either alone, with her step-brothers, or with her Aunt and her almost non-existent cousin.

He promised, however, that he would be home before Thanksgiving. Apparently they were going to Georgia, because her stepmother had a father there- Grandpa Vargas- and they had uncle Heracles to visit.

Unfortunately, Madeline's father was an only child, so the only biological family she had was her Aunt Jones and Alfred, on her mother's side.

Sakura came over to her place later, apologizing formally, and it was the first time she saw her cousin, who had driven Sakura over.

Madeline supposed they could look similar. They had the same face, except Alfred wore glasses instead of contacts, and he also wore a… bomber jacket…?

Hunh….

They did look a bit alike… She supposed.

Alfred, however, avoided her gaze, and drove off after letting Sakura back into the car.

He didn't even bother to look at her, and that hurt her much more than he could even realize.

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_Dear Diary, _

_Apparently, dad won't be home until late October at the very best. But, he told me to expect mid-November…. He's going from Egypt, to London, but he has promised me pictures of the city. I have always wanted to go back to England…._

_Anyways, I saw Alfred- my cousin- today for the first time. _

_But it was a rather unfortunate serious of occurrences that led to it. _

_First off, I am most _certainly _a girl. Never, ever doubt that. _

_However, Sakura and Ludwig mistook me for my horrible cousin, Alfred. Feliciano, one of my stepbrothers, cleared it up, however…. _

_Do I really look that manly? Was it because I cut my long hair? _

_You can't hear it diary, but I am sighing heavily. _

_I wanted to cut my hair short- I can't go back on that decision, it was mine to make, and no way in hell is anyone going to make me change my mind about that. _

_Or maybe it's just my clothing. Today, as it was colder- snowing, even- I decided to wear my heavy hockey jacket. I do suppose it hides what little curves I have…._

_But back to Alfred. _

_Alfred, of all people- drove Sakura over. However, he didn't come in, he didn't talk to me…. Hell, he didn't even look at me!_

_Anyways, aside from my cousins avoidance of me, not much has happened. _

_I still have no explanation as for why Antonio has a black eye. Or why Lovino went to the Principal's office. _

_As I have an essay for History to finish, I do suppose I must close this diary. _

_Madeline Williams. _

_PS. I am beginning to respect Feliciano. He is… a nice bit of family to have…. I suppose._

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A/N: Translations… although they are pretty self-explanatory…

_Sorellastra: _Stepsister –Italian-

_Watashi no baka_: Stupid me –Japanese-

_Es tut mir Leid_… I'm sorry/I regret -German-

You know, people out there who try and use Google translate to use other languages… Don't. Just look up 'useful phrases' in the language you want. :D That way they are normally followed by more notes on how the phrases are used in context. And they are conjugated correctly. *mutters about Spanish class failures*And they include other translations that explain how they are used.

Google Translate makes me giggle.

Anyways. Make love and not war.

Reviews are love.

And the more… psychotic countries will be showing up soon enough.

Pfft. England. You'll like what I did with her/him… Based on my friend, Flora.

I deleted it when I was editing this to go with the new title, but Iggy has Multiple Personality Syndrome/Disorder.


	4. Chapter 4

On the Way to a Smile

A/N: Thanks for the attention~  
>it's not a crime if you leave feedback, you know?<p>

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_Dear… whoever is bothering to read this…_

_I just wanted to say a few things, my family. And I know I am a burden, someone who is refusing to accept you all have moved on, adjusting to this life. _

_So, I would like you all to know that I don't blame you. It's my fault I exist, that I didn't kill myself two years ago on top of that building. _

_Sorry dad, I guess I never did tell you that I was diagnosed with chronic depression a few years back. That's my fault, as well. _

_Anyways, I know you probably won't even remember me in a few years, so…._

_I love you. _

_Madeline Williams. _

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Madeline Williams hated her life. She also hated herself, but that was getting a bit off topic. She had been left by her father for a business trip with his wife and her step mother. Her stepbrothers, though kind, didn't pay much attention to her, until something really hurt her.

All of her stepbrothers were out. It was a Saturday night, and they were doing various things with friends.

Lovino was the only one who was not with friends, but he had to go to an anger management course. So he wasn't here either. She was in the large house all by herself, holding a silver knife in her hand.

Again.

Madeline knew it was her chronic depression just pulling one over her, but she felt like shit, and still didn't want to tell her dad that she was diagnosed with chronic depression two years ago. She had no one else to call, as no one here ever bothered to know her.

No one ever bothered to notice little Madeline Williams. With her plain blond hair and thick coat, with her dark blue eyes and soft face, much as it hurt to say it, she looked almost exactly like her cousin.

Who, for all she knew, hated her. He hadn't talked to her once, not in the entire two years she had been here. She honestly didn't know why he was so keen on avoiding her.

_Maybe it's because you're a horrible person. You're boring, dull, and shy. Who would ever _want_ to know you? It's not like anyone cares about you. Even your father considers you a burden. That's why he got remarried. _

"Shut up…" The blue-eyed girl mumbled softly, trying to get that accursed voice out of her head. It was that voice that told her that she'd never be good enough. She rubbed her eyes to rid them of the coming tears.

_He left you for her as soon as he could. I wonder if anyone would even care if you _died_. Probably not, your father has her now, despite all of your protests. He didn't even ask you if you wanted to settle down. He never asks for your opinion, does he? _

"Shut up… please…" She was ready to start sobbing. Her hands trembled, as the knife in them gleamed in the moonlight. She didn't want to die… but it seemed like there was no other option for her. She didn't want to live if it meant having to constantly be reminded that she was someone no one even cared for.

_You do it because you're _weak_. You're too scared, and because of that, you're hurting the people you claim to care for with your very _existence_. You're pathetic. _

"Shut up!" She cried out, cutting her arm as she did so. The pain always made the voice go away, even though she knew it was a bad thing for her to do. The pain felt so good, it always did.

_Why don't you just finish it? It would be easy, just cut your artery. It's not like anyone would care….._

Madeline sobbed loudly. Why wouldn't it just _leave her be?_ She felt her blood, hot and sticky and red, covering herself and the tile floor. She fell against the wall, watching the knife in her other hand. She didn't want to die… she just wanted to be noticed and known, or disappear from the earth forever, because numbness would be better than this pain.

_We both know you'll never be noticed. You're just plain, old, Madeline Williams. Who in the name of god ever notice plain, old, Madeline Williams? _

She raised the knife, aiming it at her artery. Sadly enough, the voice was right. Even if she died, the most she would ever mean to people would be the day off school for the funeral. Madeline's eyes teared up. She might as well give them that much.

_Oh, don't die here, you stupid girl! Don't make a mess for others to clean up! _

The voice had a point. She walked off to the bathroom, where there was a shower, unaware of the trail of blood she had left behind her. The pounding in her head hurt, but she was happy on some level that she wasn't going to have to feel anything in a little bit.

She didn't hear the gasp of horror from the side door that had been opened. Or the frantic footsteps that followed the nice little trail she left the person to follow.

Madeline smiled slightly when the throbbing pain left her, and she was left light-headed. She pulled the knife back to her arm, after she entered the shower, dizzy, and with her other hand, turned on water. It pounded against her back, ice cold.

"Madeline!" A voice called out to her, opening the glass door to the shower hastily, and ripping the knife out of her hand suddenly. Madeline snarled at the figure, even though she couldn't quite make out who he was.

"Just let me die here," She begged. "It's not like anyone really cares…" She heard the sound of the knife clanging to the floor outside the shower, but no longer had the strength to even push the person off of her. Her blue eyes wouldn't, couldn't look up. She didn't want to look into the eyes of her supposed 'savior'.

"How could you even say that?" The voice cried at her, he seemed legitimately worried for her, but she couldn't place the voice. "Don't you realize how heartbroken your family would be?"

"Like you know me…." She mumbled, and he ran a hand across her cheek.

"I'm a horrible, asshole, jerkface excuse for a cousin, but I still like to think we are a bit related." He sighed loudly. And Madeline's eyes widened, as she realized who she was being held by, who she was being spoken to by.

"A-Alfred…?"

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A/N: Chronic depression is a scary, scary thing, and this can really happen to people. Oh, god, this kinda happened to me, please don't remind me of that kind of thing. Yes, there is a voice that tells you all your fears, and throws them back into your face.

Other quick thing. Sorry about the diary in the beginning. It needed to be done.

Pardon the shortness and the cliffhanger. S*** has hit the fan.

Review!


	5. Chapter 5

On the Way to a Smile

A/N: W-what? People liked the last chapter?

Wow… I feel kinda flattered that even though some of this is bringing up bad memories for a few, people still want to read it.

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"A-Alfred?" She whimpered, losing the last vestiges of her strength, and fell into his waiting arms.

He sighed, pushing her wet blonde hair out of her pale face. "Let's get you cleaned up." Alfred put a firm grip on her open wound to stop the bleeding, using his other arm to pick her lithe form off the ground. Madeline didn't protest, she couldn't find the heart to do so anymore.

Alfred carried her bridal style out of the shower, and placed her down on the floor, propping her head up with a towel. "Listen, I know I screwed up, not even trying to talk to you…. Mom warned me, and I still didn't listen. And now you're where Sakura was two years ago." He sighed, as he picked the knife off the floor, and put it on a counter, out of her reach. Just in case she tried anything stupid.

Madeline didn't have anything to say. In fact, she wanted to start crying. Alfred grabbed a few things out of the cabinet, and crouched down so he could look her in the eye, his bright blue eyes watching her with pain, and regret.

"I know a few things about helping someone in this place… I learned quickly, with Alice and Sakura, you see, that while I can help you get physically better, you have to be the one to take the first step to start improving your mental health." Alfred wrapped a towel around her arm in an attempt to stop the bleeding, before picking her up again. "I'm taking you to a hospital. Tell them you hurt yourself, or tell them it was a kitchen accident; I won't interfere."

Madeline almost smiled at him, she almost did. Though she was bleeding out, her cousin seemed surprisingly sweet.

And she would have smiled at him, if she hadn't passed out.

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She woke up in a white room, the sun pink in the morning, and cheery yellow curtains hanging on the wall to block a bit of the light. Madeline groaned softly, her head seeming to weigh a thousand pounds as she felt it pound continuously in a terrible migraine.

She wiped a hand across her eyes, rubbing them to rid them of sleep, before stretching, and looking around the room confusedly.

It wasn't exactly the first time she had woken up in a hospital room, and she was kind of used to not having a single room to call her own, as she had moved around for ten years of her life. She was, however, concerned that Alfred was sleeping in the chair, with Lovino sleeping against him.

Lovino looked thoughtful in his sleep, as if he was deeply troubled by something, and Madeline was tempted to laugh at his serious face. From what little she knew about Lovino, he was almost never very serious. Alfred, she had no idea why he was here-

That's when it hit her like a sack of bricks to the face.

"Oh…" She whispered softly, rubbing the bandages on her arm, and she felt a small twinge of pain where she had stabbed herself with the knife.

That was right; she had actually tried to kill herself last night.

Yesterday had been the final straw for Madeline. A simple stab at her self-esteem was all it had taken to turn her clinical depression into a full blown episode of major depression- suicide attempt and all.

You see, though she was quiet, she was very smart, and Madeline prided herself a bit on her history and her English. However, a boy in her grade had scored higher than the 'little-miss-perfect' Madeline Williams, and had felt the need to rub it in her face.

Madeline never, ever boasted about her grades. She hardly ever spoke, for that matter. But, for whatever the reason, some people interpreted her shyness as haughtiness, and had taken the chance to crush whatever happiness had come out of her grades.

When she came home, she had found a note that told her that no one would be coming to the Williams-Vargas house that night, because most of them had plans. Except Lovino, but he was required to attend an anger-management course every Friday.

And, from there, things had spiraled out of control.

Her dad giving her another note concerning work, saying that she and her brothers would have to fly down by themselves to Grandpa Vargas' home, and saying that he might not show up at all, all the while, not even bothering to get her favorite thing from flying, the pictures. He always got some for her, and she treasured them. She had a large notebook to collect the best ones.

Then, there was a call from Aunt Jones that she had company over, and Madeline would have to stay home alone that night. She didn't offer any explanation, or even who she had over, or whether it was for a friend, or for business.

And, there was a quick message from a classmate. _Hey, Matthew, can I get the homework from you?_

Sadly enough, that was the only message she got from anyone other than family in about two months.

And they hadn't even bothered to get her name or gender right. It was a killing blow to what little self-esteem she still had.

Madeline knew it sounded bad, looking back, but she knew just how much depression twisted her trains of thought when she was in the 'pits of despair'. It was disturbing even to herself how the things that seemed so insignificant to other people- canceled plans, mild teasing, forgetting a name- could turn into such a large, mountain face that she couldn't even hope of scaling within seconds.

She sighed softly, running her hand that she hadn't stabbed last night through her short, blond hair, paying attention to the pretty rising sun. Sunrise was her favorite time of day, and it was probably the only part of this place she liked.

The rising sun was always a wonderful array of an artist's paints, with shades of colors ranging from a bright pink, to a peachy-colored orange, to the yellow of the sun. Then, on the other side, there was the dark, cold night, being forced away from the warmth of the coming sun. And in the middle there were the shades of light purple and deep blues.

Madeline always though she could watch the sun rise forever, and still be unable to describe how amazing it was. She sighed in appreciation of the simple beauty of the world.

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_Dear Diary,_

_Sorry, if anyone reading this got a bit of a jolt over the last entry. It was a bad episode of Depression, coming back to bite me in a blast from the past. _

_Anyways, I have landed up in a hospital, and Lovino and Alfred are here with me. They haven't woken up yet, so I will just let them rest. They shouldn't have worried over me; I am nothing, after all…_

_But to no matter, as I have other things to do before I get breakfast. _

_Alfred told me that he can help me through the physical hurt. But I had to take the first steps to mental health. It's not like I am crazy, but ever since last night… I am starting to believe I might be in a bit over my head. Maybe I will have to get a bit of help. _

_You can't see me right now, but I am shuddering at the very thought of such things. Therapy was suggested to me back when I was diagnosed, but I don't want to bother anyone with something I can live with on my own…. I don't want to bother anyone with my silly problems…._

_Anyways, I think Lovino's waking up. I should go now, and see what he's going to say about this. From what little I know about my step brother, he'll be yelling my ears off for a while…. _

_Thanks for listening,_

_Madeline Williams. _

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Who honestly thought this was going to be an asylum fic? I won't be offended if you say you did, I just want to clear stuff up.

It's not. In the words of my amazing, insane, more-than-one minded, friend Flora, it is completely and totally possible for someone with a mental psychosis to live a happy, healthy life. Flora has multiple personalities. Kellen is delusional. Anthony is completely, utterly, bats*** insane. But they all still attend classes, with their 'sane' peers.

In this case, just because Madeline is depressed, and even though she has tried to commit suicide, she is not going to be instituted. That's not the only option for people diagnosed with depression, or even other mental disorders.

I've been to an insane asylum, it's not fun. It's actually kinda scary. And, besides that, I was never, ever, committed. My father refused to consider it an option after we went there. No offense to anyone who is committed, but I think I would have come out a very different person than I am today.

The reason Insanity is Relative, is because the people that most people in society deem to be crazy actually are some of the best people I know. Le Gasp, the (previous) title makes sense.

I changed the title to On the Way to a Smile, because that says like it will be more of a recovery fic.

Anyways, Review! They're like hugs! Best shared!


	6. Chapter 6

On the Way to a Smile

A/N: …..once again. Thank you all! *blushes* You are all amazing. And get virtual cookies from me.

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Madeline was surprised at how vicious her eldest stepbrother could be when he was angry/worried/scared.

"And how dare you do something so stupid when you're at the house alone! Do you understand how freaked out I was when I walked in to see all that blood, and you passed out on the American's shoulders! I should have just killed you both right then and there for nearly giving me a heart attack! You could have died Madeline!" Lovino just kept ranting, and while Madeline could understand the greater part of what he was saying, he eventually teared up, switching to a sobbing dialect of Italian.

Madeline felt awkward about what she was doing, but wrapped her good arm around her sobbing stepbrother.

Lovino's antics, arguments, and crying had woken up Alfred, who looked happy that Madeline was awake. Lovino was happy to just be held by Madeline, and so Madeline waved at Alfred with the bandaged arm, hesitant, but thankful that her cousin had saved her life.

"Thanks," She mumbled.

"It was nothing!" Alfred smiled broadly.

But, to Madeline, that one simple act had been her life, and that was everything.

It was then the nurse came in, and noticed Madeline had woken up. "Oh, you're awake, that's good."

"Yeah," she whispered as the nurse took her heart rate, and other things.

"You gave us quite a scare, missy." The nurse waggled her finger, but she was smiling kindly. "Care to tell us what happened? Your family just found you like that."

"I-I….." she mumbled, hesitant, when Alfred gave her a confident smile, one that said, 'I don't care what you say, but I'll have your back.'

"I had a kitchen accident. I slipped and the knife accidently stabbed my arm." She looked away, blushing slightly at the nurse's careful attention, and at the lie. She wasn't going to be sent to a psychiatric ward just yet.

The nurse nodded, accepting the answer. She said, not unkindly, that Madeline was going home today, and gave the girl directions on how to care for the stitches in the injured arm, including how to take them out in two weeks time.

Alfred snuck out of the room while she was doing so, and Lovino was still clutching onto me, but his tears had stopped. He was actually in good enough spirits as the nurse was finishing up that he flirted with her.

Not surprising, since Lovino was quite the charmer, but still. Going from sobbing into your stepsisters shoulder to casually flirting with the cute nurse wasn't exactly normal.

The nurse, only chuckled at the young man's words, much as a blow that was to his pride. Madeline giggled softly at the utterly crushed look on Lovino's face. He made a face at her, but it was ruined by the sad look in his eyes.

XXXXX

Madeline was assisted out to Lovino's car, and they were off. The bills from the hospital were sent to her father's health insurance and account. She was already coming up with a story to tell both her father and the stepmother, determined to solve her problems on her own.

Lovino, who had his driver's license, got in the front seat and drove her back to the house.

"You know, Feliciano and Benvolio have either called the cops, or are frozen stiff at the very sight of the blood." He said, stating the facts slowly. "It all depends on whether or not Ludwig and Sakura came inside with Feli."

"Mmmmm, I know." She replied softly. Madeline knew very well. Feliciano, the coward he was, was probably at the Williams-Vargas house, frozen with fear. She felt guilty once again for making her stepbrothers worry about her.

It was then Lovino's phone rang. "Could you get that for me?" He asked, paying attention to the snow-covered roads. She made a noise of acknowledgement, before answering.

"H-Hello?" She asked whoever was on the other end of the phone, hesitant.

"Madeline, is that you?" A stiff voice asked from the phone, and Madeline could feel her heart breaking at the background noise of her stepbrothers crying.

"Ludwig?" She asked softly. "What is it?"

"There is blood all over the walls in the house, not to mention a trail of blood leading to the door and the bathroom. Are you and Lovino alright? We found a knife in the bathroom."

"Ah… Yes… Both of us are fine, I just had an accident in the kitchen…." Madeline trailed off as she heard a sigh of relief from the other line, before she overheard Ludwig informing Feliciano that they were alright.

"What happened?" Ludwig asked her, and Madeline shifted around awkwardly in her seat.

"I'll explain later… We should be getting home in a few minutes." She moved the phone out of her bad hand into her good one. "Tell Feliciano to stop crying, both of us are alright."

"Alright…." Ludwig said gruffly. "We'll be here." He hung up abruptly, and Madeline closed the cell phone, and handed it back carefully to Lovino at a stop light.

XXXXX

"Maaadeeelinnnneee! Looovvviiii!" Feliciano cried at the sight of them, and tried to tackle-hug them both. Lovino took the shot for his injured stepsister, and Feliciano clutched tightly to his brother.

Madeline just watched them with a blank gaze. Sakura was watching her carefully, talking on the phone with someone. Benvolio, a blond boy with a sailor cap, another blond in a messy looking suit, a tan boy with an odd hat that covered his hair, and a dark haired girl with her hair in an odd-looking side ponytail, were all huddled, looking rather scared.

Madeline walked over, and pulled them into a small embrace. They all clutched at her, clearly happy that someone was comforting them. The second blond was about to start crying, and Madeline didn't know what to do. The blond in the cap, noticed as well, but instead of freaking out more, he pulled himself together and quietly told the boy to not cry.

"B-But…. P-P-P-Peter..." The boy blubbered, and Peter pulled him into a tight embrace, one far more sincere than Madeline could ever hope to give. The blond boy all at once burst out into tears, and Peter frowned.

"Hey, Benvolio," The kid spoke in a faint British accent, and it snapped my stepbrother out of his stupor.

"Yeah, Peter?" He asked in an Italian accent.

"Can you get Raivis his anti-anxiety pills?" Benvolio nodded, before pulling the girl along with him. She did nothing to protest, just following him along. The last boy stood there awkwardly, and Madeline tried to talk to him.

"Hey, are you alright?" She asked quietly.

"I'm fine, Miss Madeline." At that, Madeline frowned.

"How do you know my name?" She asked the boy, curious.

"Benvolio told us about you." He didn't like to waste words, apparently.

"And what's your name?" Madeline asked, finding it very difficult to keep the conversation up.

"Ismet Demir-Adnan," The boy stated politely. And he left it at that, so Madeline wasn't going to try and get any more out of him.

They stood there, awkward for a few more seconds, before he spoke up again. "The blond with the sailor uniform is Peter, the crying blond is Raivis, and the girl is Michelle."

"Ah." Was all she said in response, because really, what else was there to say?

XXXXX

Peter and Ludwig apparently knew how to take charge of a situation, because not thirty minutes after Lovino and Madeline arrived, they had calmed the panicked down, assigned people on cleaning duty, and informed the parents of all involved that they would be home later than expected.

Peter, was keeping a close eye on the boy called Raivis, because he had started having an 'attack', and the pills wouldn't have a quick enough effect on him, so they quite literally had to dope him up.

"Why does he have these attacks?" Madeline asked the cute little boy in the sailor outfit. Peter shifted, unsure of how to answer.

"Um, well… he and his adopted siblings were all kinda kidnapped off the streets and raised together under the kidnapper, and Raivis as well as the rest of them have horrible cases of PTSD because of everything that happened. But it's really not my place to say much else."

"…. I see." Madeline spoke quietly, and Peter rubbed Raivis' arm, trying to reassure him. All of a sudden, Peter looked panicked.

"Bollocks! I forgot about big sis!" Peter jumped up, and Raivis was about to fall over, when Madeline caught him. At Madeline's small glare of annoyance, he grinned very sheepishly. "I need to go get big sis, but I also need to watch Raivis…" At that, Peter pouted.

"Ah…." Madeline spoke up softly. "I could watch him…. I am Benvolio's sister…"

Peter gave her one of the biggest smiles ever, before thanking her profusely. He ran off, faster than Madeline felt possible. Raivis looked up at her sleepily.

"Can I get some sleep?" The blond slurred, his body succumbing to the effects of the powerful anti-anxiety medication. Madeline nodded, but instead of asking the boy to walk, picked his small, lean body right up off the ground, and carrying him to the guest room.

Benvolio saw this, and came over. "Sis, I'll call his brothers, you just get him to the bed." Madeline nodded absent-mindedly, before opening the door, and closing it behind her.

She laid the lean boy down on the bed, before sitting down beside him.

He looked right at her, blue eyes looking right at her. "Something's on your mind." The boy slurred. "Tell me what it is. I probably won't even remember this later."

"I…" She hesitated. The boy clumsily put his hand over her own, giving her an understanding smile. "I was wondering… if I should get help… for depression…." She looked away, expecting some kind of lashing out, but Raivis only smiled at her.

"I… I waited too long to get help…" Raivis began, slowly. "And because of that, I'll never be normal again. If I had known that the longer I waited…. the less chance I had… of recovery… I'd have gone sooner…." He smiled softly, before he drifted off.

Madeline thought about that carefully. She had waited two years already. She had tried to kill herself three times in that period of time. This time, her stitched arm reminded her that she almost succeeded.

She'd investigate the options at her school the next day.

XXXXX

Madeline ended up watching Raivis the rest of the day. His brothers, Toris and Eduard, were unable to come pick him up, and asked if they could bring him to school with Benvolio the next day. She had agreed, and so was left unbothered to do as she pleased, which largely meant writing in her diary.

XXXXX

_Dear Diary,_

_Two entries on the same day, it feels like blasphemy. _

_Anyways, as of now there is a sweet blond kid with a bad case of Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome sleeping in the guest bedroom, who looks so cute sleeping there. He has given me an odd bit of advice. _

_I apparently should get help, because the longer I wait, the less chance I have of being normal again. _

_I will have to examine my options carefully. _

_Thanks for being here to listen to my complaining, _

_Madeline Williams_

XXXXX

A/N:

Alright! Finals are over!

TT^TT

Yes, I do know a few people who suffer from PTSD; however, they have asked me not to be very specific with details of their lives- so most of what I use for them is fiction based on their reality. I will listen to that. I have gotten permission from everyone to talk about their mental disorders.

The other thing is, for those who honestly are wondering, yes, this story is based off my life. Yes, I did try to commit suicide a few months back. The journal Madeline keeps is based off the one I kept. I warned you all many times over the course of this fic that I was really depressed.

Does anyone really want to see pairings? I will leave this ambiguous for a while.

Thanks for reading! This is the longest chapter thus far!

Reviews feed my muse.


	7. Chapter 7

On the Way to a Smile

A/N: How are you all liking the new name? It's rocking. Totally….yeah…. Eheh….

Thanks for all the reviews, and attention! You are all awesome!

XXXXX

The morning following her return home, Madeline realized something. She woke up suddenly and sat up, her fluffy blond hair scruffy and tangled from her sleeping, and her blue eyes stared at nothing in the soft light of the early morning.

"Gah! I didn't tell Benvolio off for calling me his sis!" She panicked quietly. She did this quietly because of the fact that last night, Ludwig had stayed over with Feliciano, and Raivis was sleeping quietly in the room next to her. So, she couldn't exactly be rude and wake them up with her quiet statement.

Madeline got up, her large t-shirt hanging off one shoulder, and her plaid pants hanging low. She crept out of her room, hoping that she didn't wake up the guests. It wouldn't be polite of her.

You see, Madeline was fond of getting up super-early. Because she was usually living on her own, getting up early meant getting everything done on time, and having a bit of time to enjoy a cup of coffee. The clock read 4:26 AM in flashing light, and it meant she would have plenty of time to make pancakes for everyone.

She was lazy that morning, and grabbed the pancake mix from the pantry instead of making the batter from scratch like she usually did. She was a bit lazy, because she had stayed up rather late the night before.

Before she turned on her gas stovetop, however, she ran back up to her room to grab her glasses. She was fine with mixing the ingredients without her eyesight, but she wanted to be careful around the stove. She usually didn't wear them in favor of contacts, but she wasn't feeling up to putting them in yet.

She crept back into her room, after briefly confirming that the nervous blond boy was still asleep, and grabbed the thin-rimmed pair off her desk after groping around for them. Her hair was a frizzled mess as she looked into the mirror, and Madeline grumbled about it softly to herself.

She ran back downstairs on tip-toes, (Which is so, totally possible), and turned on the stove top to heat up the pan.

"Hello, Maderine." The aforementioned girl just about had a heart attack when a soft voice spoke up from behind her.

"A-a-a-a-ah….." She turned around, scared stiff. "M-m-maple….. L-l-l-leaf…." She let out a huge sigh of relief as it turned out to be Sakura, in very proper clothing, something that was traditionally Japanese, and clutched at her heart, pleading it to stop beating so fast, lest it pop out of her chest. "Sakura, you scared me…. What are you doing here this early?"

"Ah, gomenasai, Maderine-san…" She looked apologetic. "I just wanted to talk to you…"

At that, Madeline turned around, and poured some batter onto the pan. "About what?" She asked, genuinely curious at what the Japanese girl had to talk with her about this early in the morning.

"I figured you tried to commit suicide the other night…" Madeline froze at the mention. "And I wanted to talk to you about options."

"Did Alfred…?" She asked the polite teen, and Sakura shook her head.

"No, I asked him. I guessed it because…" Because what? Madeline wondered. And Sakura looked away, her dark eyes clouding with a memory. "Because I tried to kill myself as well…."

At that, Madeline looked up, incredulous. Sakura, cool, collected, and calm Sakura, had tried to kill herself? It didn't fit the image Madeline had of the girl in the slightest.

"My brother was kidnapped off the streets two years ago… protecting me…." She spoke softly, her arms hugging herself. "And my parents took out their anger on me. He was the boy in the family, the heir. I was just a girl…."

"I-I… I'm so sorry…" Madeline whispered, and she was unsure of what to do or say to make that right, and really- what could she have done?

"It's not your fault…" Sakura assured Madeline, her voice was soft, but strong- adamant. "I felt as though if I could kill myself, in some way, it would bring my brother back, equal exchange and everything." She looked up at Madeline, her dark eyes glistening with tears, but they were strong. "Alfred convinced me that two wrongs don't make a right. I started getting help." She looked away again.

I shifted awkwardly, unsure of where this was going- and not liking the possibilities.

"And I would like to ask you to accompany Arice-san and I to the next group therapy session- just to try it out." She looked at me again, her gaze boring into me intently, trying to convince me, and I had to look away, focusing on my plaid pajama bottoms, on my bare shoulder that was so because the t-shirt had slid off it, on anything _but_ the Japanese girl in front of me.

"….I…." Madeline spoke, voice soft, unable to find the words to protest and she was partially unwilling to do so. Because Sakura was right, and Madeline needed help, and Sakura was giving her a good option in this matter. On top of that, she also seemed to be more experienced in the matter. She nodded, agreeing to her fate, whatever it may be.

"And I believe you were making pancakes, Madeline." She smiled as Madeline jumped back to her work.

XXXXX

As five o'clock rolled around, Benvolio rolled out of bed to help her in the kitchen, and cook some sausage.

Lovino rolled out of bed about thirty minutes later, and since the Italian was half-asleep, Madeline turned on the drip, and Madeline served him a stack of pancakes, making sure she heated the syrup up in the microwave.

She left some cold for herself, of course, but her brothers all liked hot syrup. She had yet to figure that one out, but to no matter.

Raivis came out of the guest room, eyes sleepy and dull, and blond hair ruffled. Madeline was silent as she served him a stack, and he ate them hungrily, the medication having made him more hungry than usual, and he ate a handful of pills like they were nothing in the slightest. Lovino kinda stared at him as he did so, because the elder Italian had a bit of trouble just taking Advil.

Ludwig came out of Feliciano's room, deciding to leave the Italian alone for a bit longer. "Good morning, Sakura." The Japanese girl nodded from her seat, still working on her stack of pancakes.

"You made pancakes Madeline?" He asked, actually getting her name right this time, much to her happiness- even though he pronounced it quite roughly. She nodded eagerly, before serving him a plate. He took a couple sausages straight off the grill. Madeline resisted the urge to chide him for it.

"Oh, yes. Sakura- East called me to say that he wouldn't be able to come tonight." He said before he started eating. Sakura nodded, taking it in stride.

"Hai, I will make plans accordingly." She said after swallowing.

"And Madeline, you are a rather good cook." She smiled softly at him, but he noticed it didn't really reach the dark blue eyes of the girl. He frowned internally, scowling outwardly.

"Ve~ Maddie~ you made pancakes!" Feliciano's voice was heard, and the two girls in the room blushed as he jumped into the room, wearing nothing but a pair of pasta boxers.

"YOU IDIOT!" Ludwig yelled at the Italian, causing the boy to flinch back and the boy looked as if he was about to cry. "THERE ARE WOMAN AND CHILDREN HERE!"

Sakura sighed as the Ludwig settled in to lecture the frightened Italian, and Madeline with Raivis watched with shock and awe as the blond German proceeded to nag more than any bad mother Madeline had heard of.

XXXXX

The ride to school was uneventful, and Madeline disappeared from the group as soon as she had the chance. She wanted attention, she really did… this just felt like too much for her to handle. She knew that they would quickly forget about the quiet blonde girl with the red jacket.

All of a sudden, she accidentally ran into another student. The girl mumbled an apology, trying not to meet his gaze, and ran off towards her locker.

XXXXX

Gilbert watched the pretty blonde girl run off with a slight blush on her face. His red eyes narrowed as he noticed the bandage on her arm. He recognized her from his gym class, the one girl that was always by herself as she struggled to become stronger. He remembered that they had that class today, and promised himself that he would talk to her.

Maybe he could get Amelia to join him, who knew?

XXXXX

Chemistry and English passed uneventfully, however, Madeline caught sight of a blonde girl dressed scantily watching her with a calculating blue gaze. She recognized her as someone in her Gym class.

The short-haired girl disappeared into the locker room, and Madeline, sadly, had no choice but to follow her into the room to change.

The girl was talking loudly to a group of girls, and Madeline slipped away undetected after changing into her gym clothes. She still had to wear them, even though she was going to get out of having to do a lot of weight-lifting that day.

Madeline stood awkwardly to the side as the rest of the class filed in, and looked over what she was going to have to do that night. Accompany Sakura to a therapy session- AKA, her worst nightmare.

She sighed loudly, fiddling with the bandages on her arm.

When suddenly, Madeline was sharply poked, rather unprovoked, by a boy she wasn't familiar with. She looked up at the boy, to see a smiling demon. She jumped slightly, surprised by the albino. He poked her again.

She scowled softly, stepping away from the boy, only to have him follow her by taking another step towards her.

The albino grinned devilishly as he poked her again. Madeline gave him a _look_, one that read _"Cut it out!" _Loud and clear.

But the albino _POKED HER AGAIN! _The quiet girl snapped, and therefore, started a chain of events that she might regret deeply for the next week or so.

Then, Madeline made the worst mistake of her life at that moment.

She poked him back.

Oh yes, she did! She grinned back at him, her dark blue eyes _daring_ him to try it again. His grin just broadened, and he poked her, before darting out of the reach of her fingers. Madeline thought she was free, so she decided to not chase after him, but he jumped back to jab at her again.

This time, when he jumped out of her reach, she jumped to jab back at him, and he grinned widely, his red eyes brightening with the play-fight.

This quickly escalated into a full on poke fight. Madeline's somber mood had transformed into genuine playfulness. It was obvious that the albino boy was just having some fun with her, and the girl from before was watching her and grinning, with her teeth showing, her eyes glinting with a certain insanity that made the blonde being watched shiver.

That blonde reminded her of some kind of mob boss out on the street.

Sadly, the teacher came and ended their small war, and after the teacher scolded the insane-looking blonde into putting on a more appropriate shirt, they were off to the weight room.

The albino left Madeline to go talk to the other blonde without even telling her his name. Her heart and hopes took a plummet. He was obviously just trying to annoy her, and now that he had done so, he would leave her alone.

And everyone else probably would as well, and Madeline would be all alone once more, because Madeline was a boring, uninteresting person, and she knew that well. It's why the only person she talked to was her diary, because it would never leave her from boredom.

It was a sad fact of life, one that had been repeated many, many times over the course of the last two years. Something would happen to her and everyone would get interested, but after it was over, they would become bored and leave her for something else.

Her dark blue eyes glinted a violet shade in her sadness of having lost that small happiness she had gained from messing around like any other person her age, and she sat down in the gym, having been given an all-clear that she didn't have to work with the stitches in her arm.

She once again fiddled with the stitches, and from a distance, she watched the albino boy and the insane blonde girl talk avidly while lifting rather heavy weights.

However, there was something Madeline couldn't quite place about the girl's blue eyes. Even though she smiled, and it looked genuine, her eyes looked cunning, mature, and like she was faking her happiness somehow.

On a different note, Madeline was a bit amazed that the girl was able to lift that much weight. She was not only keeping up with the powerful boy, but _surpassing _him from time to time. She also appeared to have a really good arm, from the way the albino bent over in pain when she hit him in the gut.

She decided to work on a sketch in her notebook for art class. It seemed like irony that their theme was to draw a painting of someone suffering from low self-esteem, specifically a form of anorexia or depression. Needless to say, it hit close to home for Madeline.

She began to sketch the face of the girl, writing the word UGLY in large letters to the side of her face. Looking at it, the girl's eyes were pleading to be told something other than what she believed about herself, and Madeline made sure that the girl actually looked attractive.

Lovino had apparently been bullied a lot when he was younger, and suffered now because of that. He hadn't been as good as his brother, and because of that, he was always being traded for the younger of the two. Lovino, Madeline knew, was always so sure that no one whatsoever cared for him, and thought he looked ugly, that he was stupid, and he was horrible at everything.

Madeline also knew that he didn't suffer from depression. He just had a major issue with his self-esteem. It was because his father had tried to get custody of one of the boys, and got Lovino because Mrs. Vargas had wanted Feliciano, but decided that he wanted to trade the boy for his brother. Lovino hated both of his parents because of that, and his grandfather most certainly didn't help in the matter, because he took Feliciano with him while the two parents fought, but left Lovino.

Somewhere along the way, she noticed that the girl started looking a bit like Lovino. But Madeline couldn't care, because maybe someone would notice and cut her stepbrother some slack.

…Well, maybe not…. But it was the thought that counted. Lovino was a great stepbrother to have when he wasn't being a complete jerk.

Eventually, it was time to head back to the lockers, and while the albino started looking for something, Madeline ducked out of the room. She didn't want to get her hopes up again.

XXXXX

In her last class of the day, Art, little Madeline had nothing to do, since today was the day they were supposed to be sketching, but her sketch was already done and approved. She instead wrote in her diary, and the world was unwary of her dark thoughts.

XXXXX

_Dear Diary,_

_Today, I actually had fun for the first time since before my Dad got married. _

_Let me explain: An albino boy and I got into a poke fight. _

_Yep, a total fight to the death- By poke. I'm being completely serious here, regardless of how childish it sounds. _

_Something tells me I probably did something stupid by responding to his antics, but I had fun. I really did. But of course, I was left behind once more for something more interesting. Such is my life. _

_But either way, Sakura is possibly taking me to a therapy course for me to 'try out', so to speak. I am kinda worried… what if I get kicked out because they think I'm just doing this for attention? What if they hate me? What if they think I'm just a crybaby…?_

_What if they think I'm weak?_

_What if they all forget about me, and I turn invisible again? What if I am invisible and Sakura leaves me at school? _

_You can't hear me, so I know it's pointless, but I am sighing. I had been foolish to think that anyone would help me. _

_I think… I'll leave my math book and Spanish stuff in my locker- I'll do it in study hall tomorrow. It's not like anyone will see me leave… I'm pretty invisible. And I think I'll walk home. Yeah… I don't really want to bother anyone. Who would want to be bothered by the invisible girl anyways?_

_But then again… what if something actually goes my way today? But that never happens- I get mistaken for a boy, I get forgotten when I sit one seat in front of, I am the girl the bus driver doesn't stop for because he doesn't see me…. But what if? Raivis' words stick up in my mind more than everything else. _

_What am I going to do? On the one hand, everything I know screams that I am getting my hopes up only to have them be crushed, like today in gym with the albino boy, but one little piece of me says that it, and I want change, that we don't want tom live like this anymore…._

_Art class is almost over, and the rest of the class is getting ready to go, occasionally bumping into me because they can't see me. I guess I should stop writing in this and get going with this. But I really wish sometimes that I could actually talk to someone other than a diary. _

_Madeline Williams. _

_PS: On top of that, I have a stalker- Dressed in a green cut-off top, bomber jacket, and green plaited skirt, with a pair of legit combat boots._

_Just thought you ought to know. _

XXXXX

A/N: IT'S OVER THREE-THOUSAND! *shot for failure*

It's so _totally_ possible to run on tip-toes. And it is a very delicate art form. One I have indeed mastered. *obvious sarcasm is obvious*

Anyways, you guys sadly don't get a choice in pairings. Eh-heh… Two of my friends decided to get into a relationship, and OH WELL. IT HAPPENED. AND I WANTED TO SAY KAWAII-DESU. Because fluffy fluff fluffy relationship is fluffy fluff fluffy.

Anyways, Aunt Ven came to visit over Christmas. Oh GOD. I love her so, so much. She's not my aunt, not really, just a close family friend, via Artemis. Crazy family- you have to love it.

Anyways, Ven is short for Vendetta. We bonded over our mutual name issue. Fira/Fire, which in Latin is Ignis, which is my middle name. Awkward nickname _suddenly_ makes sense. It would be weirder if my name was something like Mortem. Or Aqua. Or Terra. Oh, heck, those are actually names, unlike Ignis! DX

Anyways, Review! They are awesome Christmas gifts! Even though Christmas has passed!


	8. Chapter 8

On the Way to a Smile

A/N:

….Only three people reviewed last chapter.

*sighs*

Oh well. Those who review are _amazing_ in my book.

Happy New Year! Happy 2012, I had a bunch of fun with the guys over here, and they all helped me write the next couple chapters with their side of the table. Specifically Alex- who is played by Nyotalia America. Oh dear… Alex…

My dear Ninja of a friend… Don't kill me… I never want a repeat of that Monday again. EVER! My heart wouldn't be able to stand it!

XXXXX

Madeline slipped right out of art class, catching sight of the albino boy and the stalker of a girl I saw in PE fighting about something, and when the albino tried to grab her wrist, she punched him in the jaw, and was immediately lost in the crowd. He called after her. "Wait- Amelia! Get back here!"

Madeline sighed as he raced off in the direction Amelia disappeared in. He got her mad, and she probably wasn't going to talk to him again. Just like he wasn't going to talk to her again.

She slipped out the side door, and forewent the bus, because Sakura might remember her, and go looking for her there. Madeline would go straight home, and they would just forget about her since she wasn't even worth the effort.

She watched her feet as teens poured out of the front entrance of the school, and she knew that she had a mighty head start. They would deem her a lost cause when they realized that.

XXXXX

Sakura looked around for the quiet girl she had spoken to that morning.

Madeline hadn't been at her locker, and she wasn't in her art class anymore. She gave a quiet sigh as she realized that the girl might have forgotten, or simply hadn't wanted to go. Or, perhaps her low self-esteem had gotten the better of her.

She pulled out her cell phone, and texted Alfred that she had lost track of his cousin. He texted back a smiley face, and said that he had it covered.

Sakura sincerely wondered what he meant by that.

XXXXX

Madeline was almost at her house when a large form appeared behind her.

"You are comrade Madeline, Da?" She turned around, scared stiff. It was a deep, yet somehow happy sounding Russian accent.

"Y-yes…" She got a good look at the stranger. He had deep blue eyes that almost appeared violet, and ashen blond hair. He looked…cracked. The way he smiled as he looked her over like a piece of meat made her shiver unconsciously.

His smile widened. "Good." He picked her up by her waist, and threw her over his shoulder.

"H-Hey! What are you doing?" She asked him, scared.

"Comrade Alfred told me I had permission to kidnap you to make you come to meeting. You are aware of the meeting, da?" She couldn't see his face, but he sounded pretty chipper about this whole thing. And for another, Alfred had given this monster of a man permission to kidnap her?

"Y-You m-mean my c-cousin told y-you to do this?" She stuttered, frightened that Alfred had done such a thing. He laughed.

"He figured you would try and escape us. He sent out me to capture you before you could. Now I am very glad, because you have quite a pretty face. I would have been very jealous if one of the others had this opportunity to meet you before I could get my hands on you, Da?"

"Er…." Madeline didn't know how to respond to that. She didn't feel reassured at all by the fact he was being strangely creepy about her looks. She did feel some slight relief by the fact that he hadn't knocked her out and thrown her into the back of a van. The fact he was simply carrying her over his shoulder was a plus. It meant she had witnesses.

XXXXX

It wasn't that long of a walk, surprisingly. And the stranger was surprisingly gentle with her, so that was a plus. He set her down in front of a building. "If you think about running, I will have to break your legs to stop you, Da?"

…So much for gentle….. Madeline, having no other choice, nodded fearfully, and the large stranger grabbed her hand to lead her inside. He brought her up the stairs, and brought her into a room, past the front desk, whose receptionist watched her with a curious gaze.

"Comrade Alfred, I brought the girl that you asked me to find!" The stranger smiled widely. "You better keep your end of the bargain up, da?"

Madeline was frozen, but she recognized Sakura and Alfred, with the former frowning disapprovingly at the latter. Alfred smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, cuz, I just wanted to make sure you got here…." Madeline didn't say anything. "Ivan, I think you broke her…."

"Perhaps, Comrade, I did threaten to break her legs if she attempted escape!"

"I swear Ivan, you scare me sometimes," A proper-looking young woman with her blonde hair up in pigtails watched them with a single eyebrow raised, her green eyes flashing with disapproval from behind a pair of glasses.

"Alice, you shouldn't fear me much! All I do is imagine how wonderful it would be if I had the chance to make all your faces crumple in pain!" She noticed that one of the girl's eyebrows twitched at the name.

"I knew it!" A French voice spoke up in horror.

"Shut it, Frog." The girl spoke in a British accent, sounding annoyed.

"But _ma cheré_! Ivan is being a psychopath! Protect me!"

"In case you have forgotten, Ivan _is_ psychotic. He can't exactly help it that he is that way. And you are delusional if you think I would protect you!" At that, the Frenchman smiled knowingly.

"Ah, _mon lapin_, you seem to be forgetting that I _am_ delusional!" The girl spat out some tea, coughing as her eyes stared widely at the Frenchman. She sighed, giving in to the comeback.

"You win this round, Francis." She said begrudgingly. "But _I'm_ not your rabbit." The Frenchman froze in place.

"…Archie…." He said wistfully, watching her with sad blue eyes that made Madeline question their relationship.

"It's Britannia right now, Frog." She looked at him, her green eyes annoyed. Madeline was confused. How could one person have many different names? And wasn't Britannia Latin for Britain?

"Uh…." She spoke up, snapping out of her terrified trance, causing the people in the room to draw their attention back to the new member of the group.

"Alfred, I suspect this is your cousin? And what is your name, _mon petit oiseau_?" Francis walked right up to her and kissed her hand, while watching her with pretty blue eyes that would make any girl swoon.

Madeline saw the British girl tense, her green eyes flashing with something she wasn't able to understand, or could even hope to read. She whispered something to herself, with one hand gripping hard on her own shoulder.

"M-Madeline…" She mumbled.

"What a sweet, cute name, _mon petit chou_, I am Francis!" He whisked her into a dip that one saw in movies when two people were ballroom dancing.

Suddenly, Alfred was there, pulling his unknowing cousin out of Francis' reach. He drew her close, giving Francis a hard stare. "Don't try and pull anything, Francis." Madeline was confused as to why her cousin was hugging her so tightly.

"Oh, Alfred, you have so little faith in me." Francis' blue eyes stared knowingly into Alfred's own.

"So, Madeline!" Alfred turned away from the Frenchman. "This here is Alice Kirkland!" The girl twitched her eyebrow at the name. "But she has Multiple Personality Disorder, so you should learn all of her various names, because they'll like you better if you do! But, she'll always respond to Alice Kirkland unless that personality doesn't realize their situation yet."

"Okay," The blonde nodded, studying the girl's surprised expression. "I'm guessing your name is Britannia."

"Yes, it is." Britannia nodded. "And sorry about the Frog, he gets a bit out of hand sometimes."

"It's alright." Madeline whispered, her blue eyes wide. These people were _crazy_!

"Like, _hi_, Madeline!" Madeline turned around to see Feliks from her art class waving happily from his seat on the couch with a boy with brown hair that ran down to his shoulders. The boy's light green eyes watched her curiously, before Feliks introduced her.

"Maddie, darling, this here's, like, my best friend- Toris!"

"It's good to meet you, Madeline." Toris spoke softly, when Madeline recognized the voice.

"You wouldn't happen to…be Raivis' elder brother….would you?" She asked, uncertain. He smiled a tiny, small excuse for a smile that made her a little sad.

"Yes, I am indeed his adopted big brother." Toris looked apologetically at her. "I'm sorry I couldn't pick him up last night, I-"

"It's alright." Madeline reassured the brunette. "He was no trouble."

"O-Okay…" He smiled at her, shaky.

"Toris~. Why are you shaking so much? Usually it is only Raivis that does that!" Toris flinched at Ivan's appearance behind him.

"That's, like, enough Ivan! Toris doesn't need you to set him off again!" Feliks jumped in front of Toris, with his hand stopping Ivan from coming any closer to the brunette.

"Guys, much as I hate to say it, we kinda have to go, because today isn't actually a session!" Alfred stopped any coming argument with the announcement. Ivan smiled widely at Alfred, before turning around.

"Apologies, Comrade, but I should get going before my little sister shows up, Da?" He turned out and hit the ground running.

"My sympathies, dude!" Alfred called after him.

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Miss Madeline." Toris called over his shoulder as Feliks dragged him out of the office.

"Like, see you in art class, Maddie!" Feliks remembered his manners suddenly.

"_Mon petit oiseau, _it was a pleasure meeting you." Francis kissed her hand, and walked out of the office, leaving Sakura, Britannia/Alice, Alfred, and Madeline alone.

Sakura nodded her head politely to Alfred, before speaking up. "Alfred, I should be going home, my parents are expecting me at home." Alfred made an affirmative noise, and Sakura left the office.

Britannia's façade collapsed as she started leaning on Alfred. "Archie got frisky during the meeting?" He asked her inquisitively, and she nodded tiredly as her face was buried in his shoulder.

"He wanted to hit Francis in the face for flirting with Madeline." She said, and Madeline felt guilty. "It didn't help when Francis called him by name…" Alfred only chuckled.

"I'll get Francis for it later then." He turned his head over to where his awkward cousin was standing. "Maddie, can you get home?" He asked inquisitively, and she fumbled for a response.

"Er… yeah, I guess…" She said quietly, before Alfred smiled, his blue eyes brightening.

"Great! Now, I'll be off, I have to drop this one off with her guardians!" He picked Britannia right up off the floor, and carried her bridal style, heading for the door.

"Y-Y-You Git!" Britannia said as she struggled in his grasp, but Alfred only laughed.

"See ya later, Maddie!" He said, running with the girl struggling in his arms.

Madeline had no answer to that.

XXXXX

On the way home, she found herself cursing them. "Those assholes, dragging me to a meeting and then not even bothering to make sure I get home! The nerve of them…"

It was only later that she realized that she wasn't feeling badly about herself, nor was she blaming herself for how those events went.

XXXXX

_Dear Diary,_

_Once again, I find myself writing in you too often. But, I figure, who else would be willing to listen? _

_Not the stubborn assholes in my so-called therapy group, that's for sure! _

_There's Britannia, who actually has more than one personality.  
>Ivan, who's completely psychotic, I'm sure.<br>Francis, who's allegedly delusional, and has apparently declared me to be 'his little bird.'_  
><em>Feliks, I'm actually not too sure of…. Same with Toris, but I'd have to guess PTSD.<br>Sakura was once suicidal. _

_What the hell have I gotten myself into? I don't even know anymore!_

_Sincerely (Angry), _

_Madeline Williams. _

XXXXX

A/N: No. Ivan and Madeline aren't going to get together. Yes, I know this for fact. No, Ivan is _not_ flirting. He's just being creepy. And yes, he did carry me over his shoulder to get me to go.

And thus, we have our little group formed.

As for the French? They're endearments, meaning they're awesome to use on the girls.

Reviews are like hugs- they're best given to others!


	9. Goodbye

I, Lacey, am giving up all my works to fanfiction user verfens. She and I wrote a lot of this together. If anyone wants to finish on the way to a smile, that's the only fic she's not picking up and editing. I'll leave everything up, but will no longer update. I'm sorry guys. But Alex is a great writer! You should all go read her completed USUK and PruHun stories!


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